Humbled

Uncle Randy once said that if you don't use the gifts God gave you for His glory, the gifts will go away. For him, it was his ability to play guitar. For me, it is my ability to write.

As long as I can remember I have been known for my way with words. I recall being singled out in high school for the unique introductions in my papers (the best I think was using the analogy of a caterpillar becoming a butterfly when talking about the rise of the Civil War) and even being asked to write for Bible studies and a youth magazine. I get it honestly from two generations of women before me who also love the pen. I love to write - I would write song lyrics, poems, cards, and simple quotes. This love helped me breeze through my communication degree; yet as time has gone on , this love has become more of a secret love. It is the dream I held on to, but didn't really share. I would love to write a book or a devotional book. I would love to write short stories (my grandmother wrote many stories that were never published) or a novel. Not many people know that...because I have hidden that desire away for fear of being rejected or blown off.

Lately, I've heard a lot of praise about the use of words, about the ability to draw you in and tell a story, about gut-wrenching letters, and even encouragement to write a book. Humbling part for me? Not one of those things has been said about me.

I've been asking God why those comments bothered me so much. I know He gave me the gift of words for a reason, but I seem to have lost myself somewhere along the way. What have I learned? 1) I grew prideful of my ability. 2) I used my words for my own gratification instead of pointing others to Him. 3) I wanted the glory for myself (why I noticed nothing great was being said about my writing!). 4) I edit myself too much. I long so much to pen a perfect phrase or capture it the perfect way that I end up editing myself to death.

So I have been humbled as the use of words isn't as easy as it used to be...and I've been humbled as I realize that I haven't been all God wants me to be. Only God knows who might have been touched and shown His grace and mercy if only I allowed Him to use the gift He gave me.

Praise Him, Praise Him

I'm learning so much about praising God from my son. He learned a new song Monday that he loves for us to sing:

Praise Him, praise Him (imagine his little arms swaying back and forth in front of him)
All ye little children (now he is waving them up and down excitedly)
God is love (one arm a bit up toward God, then he touches his tummy)
God is love

Repeat

He gets so excited when I start to sing and his smile is from ear to ear! I think the best part is that I find him singing it at various times without any prompting from me. While we were on a walk Monday afternoon, I glanced down and found him doing the motions and saying some of the words all on his own. I have also found him singing Jesus Loves Me at random times. He will stop in the middle of playing to sing. He will stop walking to sing. He just feels like singing, and so he does. I know God's heart swells when He hears praise from this little one, and I know God desires for me to stop as well throughout my day to praise Him. My boy isn't too busy to sing, and neither am I.

Praise Him, praise Him, all ye little children. God is love. God is love.

I Surrender All

I surrender all (my hopes, dreams, plans, agenda)
I surrender all (my husband, my children, my family)
All to Thee, my blessed Savior
I surrender all (my home, my car, my money, my time - everything You have given me I lay before You)

Missing a plain ol' pity party

I miss my old pity parties. Why? I'm sure you ask. As God continues to reveal my seemingly unending selfishness and self-righteousness, my pity parties have changed. I used to feel sorry for myself and dissect how everyone else was wrong. I usually ended up pretty proud of how I would never handle a situation that way or whatever. Now, just moments after I get out the party hats and streamers, God begins to bring to mind how I am in the wrong and how I should adjust my thinking, attitude, or actions to bring peace to the situation. This brings me to my knees seeking forgiveness and yet fighting my flesh which demands my rights be taken care of first. I end up exhausted at the end of these parties and usually not feeling all that great about myself; however, I know that I am becoming more like Him which is why I am keenly aware of my shortcomings. Catch 22...but definitely worth the loss of such "fun" parties!