Humbled

Uncle Randy once said that if you don't use the gifts God gave you for His glory, the gifts will go away. For him, it was his ability to play guitar. For me, it is my ability to write.

As long as I can remember I have been known for my way with words. I recall being singled out in high school for the unique introductions in my papers (the best I think was using the analogy of a caterpillar becoming a butterfly when talking about the rise of the Civil War) and even being asked to write for Bible studies and a youth magazine. I get it honestly from two generations of women before me who also love the pen. I love to write - I would write song lyrics, poems, cards, and simple quotes. This love helped me breeze through my communication degree; yet as time has gone on , this love has become more of a secret love. It is the dream I held on to, but didn't really share. I would love to write a book or a devotional book. I would love to write short stories (my grandmother wrote many stories that were never published) or a novel. Not many people know that...because I have hidden that desire away for fear of being rejected or blown off.

Lately, I've heard a lot of praise about the use of words, about the ability to draw you in and tell a story, about gut-wrenching letters, and even encouragement to write a book. Humbling part for me? Not one of those things has been said about me.

I've been asking God why those comments bothered me so much. I know He gave me the gift of words for a reason, but I seem to have lost myself somewhere along the way. What have I learned? 1) I grew prideful of my ability. 2) I used my words for my own gratification instead of pointing others to Him. 3) I wanted the glory for myself (why I noticed nothing great was being said about my writing!). 4) I edit myself too much. I long so much to pen a perfect phrase or capture it the perfect way that I end up editing myself to death.

So I have been humbled as the use of words isn't as easy as it used to be...and I've been humbled as I realize that I haven't been all God wants me to be. Only God knows who might have been touched and shown His grace and mercy if only I allowed Him to use the gift He gave me.