Knocking me off my game

God knocked me off my game - I am a gal who loves (LOVES) order and plans and schedules. I am not much of one for flying by the seat of my pants; and, truthfully, I can get pretty rattled when plans go awry. So having kids has been quite an adventure for me. Child #1 fit pretty well into my routined-life. I didn't have to work too hard to get him on a schedule - he did most of it himself. It was nice. I knew when I could run errands or schedule pictures. I knew when I could clean and do other chores. The only con to it was #1 wasn't too flexible. No bath in the morning would most likely mean a rough rest of the day, and I had to be home for naptime or it would be an awful night. Then came child #2...a child who seems to love flying by the seat of her pants. It's been 10 weeks and only the last two nights have I seen anything close to a routine...wait, unless you count the days upon days of endless crying. I guess she did have a routine: eat, cry, cry louder, sleep in someone's arms, eat, cry, cry louder, sleep in someone's arms...

God knocked me off my game with her, and I needed it. I read a devotion on crosswalk.com that seemed to summarize some of what He has been telling me over the last couple of weeks. She talked about how we often rely upon our own methods and practices instead of focusing on our Master. When we focus on being on top of our game, our ego swells as we take pride in having it all figured out (GUILTY). She heard a preacher recently say that EGO stands for "Edging God Out." Ouch. I often do that without realizing it. I rely upon my plan or agenda (I am a list gal who writes most everything down) instead of seeking God when I need help. I recently said to Clay, "I just feel like I can't get anything accomplished." Underlying that sentiment was a great feeling of failure that I haven't gotten it all back together after having child #2. I loved the quote from the devotion, "Methods are good, but a close relationship with the Master is infinitely better." God has been revealing to me how I depend upon myself to figure it all out. I am often selfish instead of seeking how He would have me spend my day. I get frustrated when something "interrupts" my agenda. While I do need to be somewhat organized (God is not a God of disorder), it is more important for me to have a peaceful, Christ-centered attitude. I won't win any awards with God for having the neatest house, an alphabetized pantry, a color-coded closet, or everything marked off my to-do list at the end of the day; but I would be teaching my children that our temporary home is of more importance than seeking God. So my game is changing because the lessons I want to teach my children are about seeking His face, serving others, and loving God with all their hearts, minds, and souls. There is no proven method for rearing Godly children, which frightens me, because they will have to make their own decisions along the way. So, I'm knocked off my game and entering one with only one thing in the handbook: Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness.

So for those who know me well, you may see some changes in how I approach life - at least I hope you do. Don't worry - I'm not losing my mind, just releasing control.