Why me?

I met another sister in Christ tonight trying to get pregnant again. After a long battle with infertility, God blessed her and her husband with a little boy in August 2005. They long to increase their family again, but know the road could be long. Another name added to the sisters I pray for almost daily. How I long for them each to be protected from the heartache and pitfalls I experienced.

As I drove home pondering our conversation and admiring the clear night sky, I found myself asking God why He chose to bless us as He did. Funny, I used to ask the "why me?" question when I wondered if we would ever have a family. Now, I am so humbled that He has doubly blessed us with these two amazing children...and our road was no where near the struggle others have walked. How dare I ever complain about sleepless nights or toddler attitudes. Shame on me. The only words that came to mind were:

Indescribable, uncontainable, You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable, You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God

Never Give Up on Me

This song spoke to me the first time I heard it while watching Facing the Giants, and again the other day it touched my soul as God reminded me that He never gives up on me. If you would like to listen to it, simply visit: http://www.myspace.com/joshbatesmusic (you will have to select the song on the player).

Time after time You've been left behind
Like the sun when it's starting to rain
Time after time You've been forgotten
Like a picture that's faded with age
Time after time You ran after me
When I was still running away

You never give up on me
No, You never give up on me
Though I'm weak You are strong
You told me I still belong
No, You never, never give up on me

Time after time I've used Your grace
As a way to do what I please
I've taken for granted
Prayers that You answered
And never been all I could be
You are holding out Your hands
And now I clearly see

You never give up on me
No, You never give up on me
Though I'm weak You are strong
You told me I still belong
No, You never, never give up on me

You always erase all my mistakes
You lift me up when I'm down
Through all the ages Your love never changes
You welcome me just as I am

You never give up on me
No, You never give up on me
Though I'm weak You are strong
You told me I still belong
No, You never, never give up on me
Never give up, never give up on me

Ezer kenegdo

This is from the Ransomed Heart by John Eldredge, page 94. It hit this control-freak with much force!

Eve is given to Adam as his ezer kenegdo - or as many translations have it, his "help meet" or "helper." Doesn't sound like much, does it? It makes me think of Hamburger Helper. But Robert Alter says this is "a notoriously difficult word to translate." It means something far more powerful than just "helper": it means "lifesaver." The phrase is only used elsewhere of God, when you need him to come through for you desperately. "There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides on the heavens to help you" (Deut. 33:26). Eve is a life giver; she is Adam's ally. It is to both of them that the charter for adventure is given. It will take both of them to sustain life. And they will both need to fight together.

Eve is deceived...and rather easily, as my friend Jan Meyers points out. In The Allure of Hope, Jan says, "Eve was convinced that God was withholding something from her." Not even the extravagance of Eden could convince her that God's heart is good. "When Eve was [deceived], the artistry of being a woman took a fateful dive into the barren places of control and loneliness." Now every daughter of Eve wants to "control her surroundings, her relationships, her God." No longer is she vulnerable; now she will be grasping. No longer does she want simply to share in the adventure; now she wants to control it. And as for her beauty, she either hides it in fear and anger, or she uses it to secure her place in world. "In our fear that no one will speak on our behalf or protect us or fight for us, we start to recreate both ourselves and our role in the story. We manipulate our surroundings so we don't feel so defenseless." Fallen Eve either becomes rigid or clingy. Put simply Eve is no longer simply inviting. She is either hiding in busyness or demanding that Adam come through for her; usually, an odd combination of both.

Full circle

The other morning as I began to pray for a friend who longs to have a child, I realized what an honor God has given me. You see almost 4 years ago we asked our LifeGroup to pray for us as we longed for a child. We had been trying for 18 months with no success and were beginning the medical road to figure out what was going on. These blessed friends, along with many others, rallied around us for another 2 years praying God would give us the desire of our hearts, and then rejoiced with us as we welcomed our blessed gift into our lives. Nineteen months after greeting our son, we welcomed a daughter into our hearts. We joked that our friends had prayed too hard!

Now, I have the honor of praying for 4 different friends who desire to have a child. Some of them already have a child/children. Others wonder if they will ever know the joy of motherhood. What an awesome privilege to take the cries of their hearts to the One who so abundantly loves us all. I can't think of a better way to thank them for the prayers they lifted on our behalf.

Father, grant them each with the joy of a child; but more importantly give them confidence in Your plan as they live lives that honor You. May they feel Your hand when overcome with longing, and may they know they are complete in You.